Are we really genuine?

Life is good, I'm writing this on a rainy Deepavali night because I can :P..ahaha, So yeah, its me again and I've been rumbling with this thought about sincerity and if we are really genuine people for some time now. I mean, everywhere I see, things are done in a structure, everything seem to have a process. For example, we normally do good to be blessed in return. But I was thinking to myself, what if the blessing quota was reduced or taken off completely? will we still wana do good? This has always been a question that I found hard to answer because at some points of my life, I struggled with such issues.

While many people tend to brush off this issue, I think this has been the fundamental thing that even God want us to fix. Many preachers often preach about how much God will bless us when we give or serve. They quote the bible and proclaim all the blessing that is stored if we do some good deed. Funny how they don't normally highlight how the bible emphasises more about the joy of giving, but instead, focus alot in the rewards in giving. Yes I agree that we will be blessed in return when we give or serve but to do it only because we will be blessed sounds a little,. i don't know..cunning? ;)

Many people have asked me what is the joy of giving, how do you give and not expect anything in return. I think most of us have the answer, its just that we choose not to look at it as such. Go out and you'll see a boyfriend buying flowers for his girl just to see her happy. You'll see a girlfriend baking cakes for her boyfriend to make him happy. Do you see what is really happening here? These people seem to be giving because they want to and not because they need to. Yes we all do know that their partner would appreciate and probably reward them but that's not the point. The point is, the heart of giving. A good boyfriend will buy flowers for his girl just to see her smile and not expect a kiss in return. A good girlfriend will bake cakes just to make her guy happy and not expect him to shower her with presents. This to me, demonstrates the joy of giving. The joy you get by giving something and just hoping for them to be happy with what was given. :)

Its kinda sad when I see people treating God as a business partner, I give You 10%, You give me back 7 fold. I mean, come to think of it, He is God and its not fair if we only limited Him as a business partner. The same goes to family and friends, nowadays, nothing seems genuine.. it is always like, 'I help you, so you help me back' or 'I was there when she needed me, now I need her to be here'. To me, such relationships are no more than what we have with our business people or in other words, our contacts. I also believe it tarnishes the name of Love when we do things like this.

I read about love the other day and the author was speaking about how you are actually committing yourself without any guarantees when you fall in love but you still choose to do it because at that very moment you felt the joy of love. The same goes with giving or helping or serving or whatever you may call it and this is the fundamental in living a fulfilling life.:)

So yeah, that was just my thought lah, I could be wrong. I hope you guys have a very good Deepavali! I'll write soon when I fell like it so till then lets just ponder on things like this to make sure we are actually genuine people. Say 'I love you', mean it and don't expect anything in return. Chances are, they felt your sincerity and say "I love you too' or they just smile. Either way, deep inside you know you did something genuine and you'll feel good about it. :) Have a good day!

Nothing Lasts?

For some weird reason, I feel like writing..Come to think of it, alot has happened. Good or bad I don't really know, what I do know is I've completely lost my sense of feeling. I just don't know what to feel anymore, everything is just so confusing. People come, show love, slow down when the emotion starts to fade then leave. Some come, show love,show hate,show pain, show anger then leave. Others come, show friendship, show life but in the end they all leave, one way or the other. This was always one thing I could never comprehend, why do people leave? Is that what we built all this for? all the sacrifice, all the time, all the energy? to just walk away in the end? it doesn't make any sense to me.

I always thought that good things lasts. I always dreamt of growing old together, sitting on the park bench playing cards during the sunset, walking down the street with our walking sticks and feeling like we just met a week ago. I always thought that we'd sit down and tell stories of hope and love to our grandkids. I somehow figured that we'd figure our way out through the hardships, through the pain. I kept telling myself that 30-40 years from now we'd still be together, cooking each other meals, fishing, watching a good ol'time movie. Guess that's what it always was, just a thought, a wish that would probably never come through.

I'm losing hope, as much as I choose not to I feel like it, I'm losing it. I'm becoming numb, too numb to feel anything at all. Its been ages since I last cried, people always say crying helps to restore one's well being..I don't even have that privilege, I forgot how to cry :) I forgot how does it feel like to be excited, to be nervous, to be alive..Yes I do alot of stuffs, stuffs I don't regret doing, instead, I love doing..Stuffs that would make another smile, that is the only satisfaction I get in life. And even for that, I don't really know what to feel anymore :)

But this is life, its not about one person, its about everyone else. I'll keep sacrificing, till I've got nothing to sacrifice anymore :)

:)

Sometimes, the words left unspoken are the most important words..sometimes, the eyes scream out what the mouth won't say :)

Perspective

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. Rebels. Troublemakers. Round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do", says the man who changed the world - RIP Steve Job.