Im sick of being screwed up..no matter how much i argue that i am satisfied with my life being screwed up, deep within i know there is an empty void that always leave me wanting for more..im just sick of having this feeling, and i believe its high time for me to leave everything behind and start living the life God wants me to live...i know il miss all those things il leave behind, but if thats the thing He wnts me to do then fine...i think i got the answer to most of my questions, its jst that i dont wana accept it..i believe its time for me to stop arguing and trust Him with all my heart..:)
its funny how we sumtimes try to question God and think that He doesnt know what's best for us..its really funny cos when we think of it, He is GOD..He created everything perfectly..we dont have a better choice than to trust Him..I told you im blacklisted at church, my resolution for this year is to change that and serve the church with all i am..the church needs people like me to help out more screwed up people who needs to know the truth cos i believe that these screwed up people are the ones that are gona do great things in the future..one of the dude in church i really respect is leaving to pastor the church in Johor and after all those things he did to back us up, im not gona let him down...i believe its time, its my turn to take the baton and run..
I really cant believe im saying this, i remember serving in church when i was younger and after some problems i just got sick of serving..now, im willing to take that risk again..after all, i've got nothing to lose and i believe i have alotttttt to offer to the church in growing their ministry..some can say that im telling this bcos im really down and that im 'emo-ing'..i say yes, im sad that i didnt get what i've always wanted..bt think of it this way, God created me for a purpose in this world..im not gona make Him say that i wasted His time on me..
one thing is for sure, im willing to lose in order to serve Him..if i have to lose the ones i love, if i have to sacrifice my lifestyle..il do it,.its not gona be easy bt il give it a shot,.. i remember one wise man told me, when you do someone good, dont expect God to bless you for that deed..you do it with a sincere heart that even if God sends you to hell after you did that good deed you would not change what you did...thats the kinda life im planning to live...im not expecting anythng but im ready to lose it all...i knw im screwed and God has His reason for creating me like this..bt for now its payback time..:)
